Dad....no real regrets, except for the once (or was it twice) that I snuck into Durban and didn't tell him cause I wanted to hang out with my colleagues...and that I cannot remember all the wonderful stories he used to tell of his life in Italy.
Mom... when I think back to the unhappy walks through Canal Walk, her trailing behind me, on the one occassion urine trickling down her legs, losing my temper when she would repeatedly ask the same thing and slamming on my brakes and screaming , and she'd get back to the safety of her frail care and tell the nurses I was angry and scared her.If I could rewind and just smile and ignore the repetition , and be kinder ....there is just so much that I regret. I regret her mind went, that they stole and spoiled her beautiful clothes, that her essence left her body and left ,me with that dead, confused energy.That was not my Mom.
Norma.......no regrets while she was well, but when she got ill, I was there at the beginning, then allowed her old behaviours of wanting to be alone, to sway my natural instinct to be there. That I was selfish and didn't spend the time with her, that she took those work friends away to the game parks, cause she felt I was involved . When I tracked her down in the hospital, she blossomed and was happy, and then I got back from overseas, and although I sent many messages, I didn't find her and be there while she was dying.
Regrets....let these be the last
No comments:
Post a Comment